SRs Story: Muslim Ex-Wife Speaks Out-3

03 March 2008

Fathers get custody of the children after a divorce in Islam.

Fathers get custody of the children after a divorce in Islam," my "X" often told me during our marriage. I was thankful we lived in America. We divorced after I told X that I could no longer practice Islam. X told me he could not be married to me if I was not a Moslem. X fought very unfairly for our children, and he wanted FULL custody. When he filed for our divorce, he demanded a trial by jury. We picked the jury and within the first hour of the trial, the redheaded judge yelled angrily at him. X falsely claimed that I had been unfaithful to him. He also relied on irrelevant, inaccurate, or hearsay information concerning my past to discredit me further. In an outburst, the judge said all the information was irrelevant. I was relieved as we dismissed for a break. Immediately after the break, X and his attorney requested, and granted a mis-trial.

A week or so later, we picked the second jury and the new judge listened to everything. During the trial, the new book "Not Without My Daughter" was in the headlines everywhere. Under oath, X accused my family and me of arranging the timely coincidence! He also accused my mother of seducing the first judge (that yelled at him) in the first "mis-trial!"

After a 5 day trial, the weary jury awarded me the primary custody of our children. Then the judge proceeded to give X our home (along with its $700 monthly payments). He ordered X to pay me $400/ month child support, and a $10,000 community property settlement. He was also ordered to pay a recent $10,000 IRS fine. I never received a cent.

I rented an apartment and worked as an artist at home. It was before the "Dead Beat Dad" laws and X never paid any child support. Unfortunately, my lawyer only helped me get a one-time check for $500. It was at our first Hearing, which was six months after our separation, and three months before our divorce was final. My lawyer, who I owed $20,000, forgot to get my name changed back to my maiden name during the final divorce. The divorce was extremely devastating and financially draining for me.

I was required to wait until a child-support payment was three months late before I could file a complaint. Then a trial would be scheduled for three months later. At the long awaited trial, X asked for, and received a 6-month postponement.

A few months later, I gave in and regretfully agreed to let X have the children during the week, and I on the weekends. He happily agreed and produced papers for me to sign within the week. I lived very close to X and I began to pick up my children every Friday and return them on Sunday evenings. About six weeks into the new arrangement, I found the house empty when I arrived on Friday to pick them up. An unsigned note on the door in X's handwriting read, "Votre X-Famile". An unknown phone number written below turned out to belong to one of his brothers who lived out-of-state, in California. California was a possible destination for us when we left Iran. X knew that I did not want to live in California, and it would be expensive for me to visit. I did not know that the house was in foreclosure.

After a few months, I was finally able to talk to my children on the phone. X always listened on another line and my children became less talkative within a few conversations. At the beginning of one of those phone conversations, my youngest son exclaimed playfully upon hearing my voice, "Hi, Kick-Head!"

X would not let them come back to visit me even when my family offered to pay for their flights. When I sent my children the bicycles they left behind, X did not accept the delivery. Instead he returned them and I received a bill for return shipment. Each conversation ended in days of fresh tears and depression. I cried daily for two years. During that time, I used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a mailing address for my children. Eventually I was financially able to go visit them at least once a year. X told me "he thought he was rid of me forever" when I arrived unannounced one day. From that visit on, X would never let us leave his sight. I went to several attorneys, but could never raise the funds required to go back to court.

When my children were 16, each of them came to stay with me. They all returned to California after about one year. The youngest, now 21, claimed recently he is a Moslem. I did not know he was planning a trip to Mecca in December when I spoke to him last. I will not give up on him though; my daughter says that he is also rebellious toward X, and I should not take it personally. My middle son is very considerate of both me and X, and he tries to understand what is going on. My daughter now has a 3yr. old son. Prior to the baby's birth, X tried to persuade her to give the new baby a Moslem name. Thankfully, my grandson's father did not agree.

SR